By Joanna Ng
Imagine this: A young man walks through the mall, holding hands with his fiancée. Suddenly, they encounter several of his old colleagues. Caught off guard and awkward when asked to introduce the woman beside him, he hesitates and replies, “Oh… this is my sister.” In that moment, he denies his love for his loved one and invalidates their relationship.
One day, Jesus asked His disciples. Matthew 16:15-16, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?” The disciples’ answers were cautious. “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” They avoided their declaration of Jesus’ place in their lives.
Jesus did not let them slip away, and pressed in:
“But what about you? Who do you say I am?”
Peter answered promptly, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God (Matthew 16:16).”
His question has nothing to do with church membership or volunteer activities in His name, but a deeply personal, intimate one. It cuts to the core to fact-check the spiritual reality of your relationship with Him, and the place you give Him in your world.
Let’s take an honest look at who Jesus is to you.
If you ask any married couple how their relationship began — from strangers to meeting, dating, and eventually marriage — they can easily recount the story.
But when Christians were asked to describe how their relationship with Jesus began and grew — from strangers to intimacy — many are left speechless, unable to share a personal narrative. It’s much like Jo’s story: one morning, she awoke to a shocking discovery — a wedding band on her finger and a man sleeping beside her. Overwhelmed, she had no memory of meeting him, falling in love, or getting married. Though both wore matching rings, she could not recall any shared history. Staring at the stranger beside her, Jo was stunned — married, yet unable to explain how she got there [Note 1]. So, how did you and Jesus begin?
At the beginning of my faith journey, I called myself a Christian, but Christ wasn’t honestly present in my heart or my life. Unknowingly, I was a Christless Christian. I didn’t even believe His existence was real as a person. Yet I sincerely thought I was a genuine Christian, as did those around me in the church. I identified as a Christian simply because I belonged to a community called itself ‘Christian.’ I even led Bible studies, for crying out loud, believe it or not. [Note 1].
For some, the modern form of mega and franchised churches has become a comfortable refuge for self-identified Christians to disappear into the crowd, week after week, sitting behind the pews, invisible, unchallenged, and disengaged. Volunteering often becomes a substitute for genuine heart transformation. Tragically, this form of church has become a breeding ground for Christless Christians — believers in name but never be known by Jesus (Matthew 7:23).
Being a Christless Christian is not only an oxymoron. While atheists boldly reject the existence of God, Christless Christians present a far subtler danger. They call themselves Christian, but without an authentic divine relationship. Their lives are not about Christ, but strangers to the very One they profess to follow [Note 1].
The book Being Christian 2.0 [Note 1] uses a simple model to evaluate our divine relationship (see Figure 1 below), asking where Jesus truly stands in your heart and your life. Your religious activities or church involvement are irrelevant. Only the authenticity of your relationship with Jesus matters:
Where is Jesus — truly — in your heart and your life?
Figurehead
You call yourself a Christian, yet to you, God is nothing more than a figurehead — a theological idea lodged in your mind, not a living Person who reigns in your heart. You follow the rituals of Christianity, going through the motions of religious practice, but your worship is hollow because it makes no sense to surrender your heart to a concept. Prayer becomes a lifeless routine — no different than children sitting on Santa’s lap or slipping a tooth under the pillow for the Tooth Fairy. These traditions maintain the appearance of religion but deny its power. You assume everyone else approaches Christianity the same way — performing rituals, preserving appearances, never daring to confront the uncomfortable question: How does the theology of Christ and His salvation possibly be real, personal, and alive in me?
Figure One: A Model of Divine Relationship
Celebrity
You believe God exists — not just as an idea, but as a Person. But to you, He is a distant celebrity, or a far-off king. His existence is real, but irrelevant, remote, and inaccessible. You see Him as too great to be concerned with someone like you, convinced your struggles are beneath His notice. The thought of personal intimacy with God seems absurd, as if one could casually call up the King of England for a round of golf. So, you avoid prayer because it feels empty, like speaking into the void, a one-way monologue with no expectation of response. And so, you remain safe from the very One, our God, who longs for your nearness.
Acquaintance
You call yourself a Christian because you are familiar with God, like an acquaintance or a casual friend. You speak with Him when it’s convenient, knowing He won’t turn you away. You’ve tasted His blessings, witnessed answered prayers, and experienced His provision. Yet, despite this familiarity, you refuse to surrender your entire life and being to Him as your Lord. You insist on running your agenda, clinging tightly to control. Your security rests not in His lordship, but in your own hands. In truth, you trust yourself more than you trust Him. God is kept safely at arm’s length — a backup option, a last resort, your emergency contact when your self-made plans collapse. He becomes your crisis hotline, your insurance policy — useful only when all else has failed. And so, while you know His name, you deny His rightful place as Lord over your life.
Lord and King
You call yourself a Christian because Jesus is not simply part of your life — He is your life. He reigns as Lord and King, the center of your existence, the One for whom you live and breathe. You belong to Him; He is your God (Ezekiel 11:20). You steward faithfully the Father’s divine appointment of your life (Ephesians 2:10). Your purpose is clear: to glorify Him and make His name known. You live as a letter of recommendation from Christ to your world – written not with ink but inscribed by the Spirit on the tablet of your heart (2 Corinthians 3:2-3).
You prioritize time in His presence, not out of obligation, but out of longing — daily seeking Him in prayer, worship, and His Word. You walk in step with His Spirit, listening for His voice and yielding to His leading. As you grow in Him, His love, peace, joy, and hope are spiritual realities that sustain you. Your life bears fruit that lasts. Water reflects the face, so your life demonstrates your heart for Christ as the Lord.
Where are you on this? If your heart sees Jesus merely as a Figurehead, a Celebrity, or even an Acquaintance, you have not yet been born again in the Spirit as described in John 3:5-6. Jesus never knew you (Matthew 7:23) because you are not His.
The famous missionary to China, James Hudson Taylor, warned, “Christ is either Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all.”
The rich young ruler stands as a sobering example (Matthew 19:16-22). He refused to surrender control over his wealth and life under Christ’s lordship. He would rather walk away Christless. Jesus, though filled with love for him, let him go.
There are ten signs of a Christless Christian (identified in Being Christian 2.0), sounding sobering warnings against hollow religion without the substance of Lordship.
A fixed mindset believes that we are stagnant and incapable of change. In contrast, a growth mindset acknowledges that we can make choices while still having opportunities. Our past decisions do not have to define the rest of our lives.
In physical development, we measure progress by weight and height. In education, we define programs from junior kindergarten to PhDs.
But what does spiritual growth look like? What are the milestones between being spiritually dead, to being born again as an infant, to being counted as a member of the cloud of witnesses?
The confusion deepens when the once-acclaimed giants of faith turned out to be decades of being spiritual infants under the bondage of sin. What was exposed in the light informs us that they were not walking in Christ’s freedom through the Spirit, as the flesh conflicts with the Spirit.
If discipleship is the heartbeat of the Church, is the heart still beating?
The question remains: What does genuine spiritual progress look like, and why does it matter? In my early days of “being Christian 1.0,” I had no spiritual parent to guide me. I lacked vision and never imagined the possibility of living a victorious life in Christ. Unaware of His purpose for my life, I drifted aimlessly — “beating the air,” as Paul described — wasting life away without focus or intentionality.
The Relationship Maturity Model (RMM) [adapted from Debugging Discipleship, see Note 2] gives us a simple framework and shared language to talk about discipleship — and a clear tool to assess our own spiritual maturity and growth. RMM is designed to set you on a trajectory towards a purposeful, fruitful, and victorious life, living worthy of Him, so you can run your race with intentionality and be ready to give your best account before the Lord on the day of judgment. But how does RMM work (See Figure 2)?
Figure 2: Relationship Maturity Model (RMM) from Debugging Discipleship
Relationship Maturity Model (RMM) classifies your answer to Jesus’ question, “Who do you think I am?” into three states of spiritual maturity, ignoring titles, credentials, and performance. “People look at outward appearance, but the Lord look at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
The heart of the matter of discipleship is the matter of the heart.
The three states are progressive, namely: (1) The Lost, (2) The Elementary , (3) The Mature. What fuels the transition to the next state is your growth in faith in Christ. Faith grows from hearing His Word through the Holy Spirit, so we can see the reality of our sins and brokenness and grasp the depth of His love. The book Debugging Discipleship identifies “bugs” in each state to address as they block progress toward the next state.
From Lost State to His Kingdom
The pivot from the lost state to the elementary state is the most kingdom-consequential step a person can take. Until you are born again, you remain lost — unknown by Christ, not a child of God, not a citizen of His Kingdom, without the indwelling Holy Spirit, and your name not yet written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
New and authentic spiritual birth is the only way out of the lost state.
The level of faith required for this transition is clearly stated in Romans 10:9: “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” This heart and mouth unison is divinely intentional, for “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45). Confession of Christ as the Lord of your life can only flow from a fully surrendered heart. Without an authentic relationship with Christ, you have no access to the rest of the RMM path.
From Elementary to Maturity
Many Christians take comfort in their ticket to heaven and remain spiritual infants — spectators in the faith, never truly walking in the Spirit. Their lives show little transformation, often indistinguishable from those who do not know Christ. But genuine transformation — renewing the mind by the Holy Spirit through His Word (Romans 12:2) — is the essence of spiritual maturity, marked by walking in the Spirit, denying the flesh, healing from wounds inflicted by others, and breaking free from the bondage of sin, defense mechanisms, and self-preserving coping strategies.
The tragic downfall of many world-renowned spiritual leaders is a sobering warning: outward performance can deceive both man and self, hiding a heart untouched by the fear of the Lord. But God cannot be mocked. “There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, and nothing hidden that will not be made known” (Luke 12:2-3). Therefore, the only accurate measure of spiritual maturity is how Christ reigns as Lord over the deepest places of the heart.
Being Faithful & Victorious
Being transformed and set free is God’s preparation process for His calling over your life — a calling that is not about you, your ambitions, or your success. It is about His glory, His purposes, and His heart for people, being established by the power and anointing of the Holy Spirit through you; that can’t be done by man alone, but by divine partnership that requires bold faith, complete obedience and surrender.
Your life is truly victorious when you can one day stand before the Father and, like Jesus, declare: “I have brought You glory on earth by finishing the work You gave me to do.” (John 17:4-5). It is not a casual hope — it is the measure by which your life will be weighed when you give your account before His throne.
Today, Jesus still asks: “What about you? Who do you say I am?”
Your answer cannot be borrowed from others, concealed behind religious activity, or wrapped in empty performance. The hollow cries of “Lord, Lord, did we not do…in Your name” (Matthew 7) will not stand on that day. Had they been replaced with the genuine confession, “Lord, Lord, I trusted, obeyed, and followed You when You called,” the outcome would have been entirely different.
The question now stands before you:
What is your faith narrative today?
NOTES
- Adapted from Being Christian 2.0: Instead of Loving Heart, Let’s Start Over, by Joanna Ng (2022).
- Adapted from Debugging Discipleship: Flowing the Church Out as Liquid to Bear Fruit that Lasts, by Joanna Ng (2024).
Author references: Joanna W. Ng is an AI technologist, inventor, and thought leader renowned for integrating
scientific innovation with Christian faith. A former IBMer, accredited the title of IBM Master
Inventor, with 50 patents granted; served for seven years as Head of Research and Director of the
Centre for Advanced Studies at IBM Canada, Joanna is the concept creator and co-author of two
Springer computer science books—The Smart Internet (2010) and The Personal Web
(2013)—with over 20 peer-reviewed academic papers. Joanna founded Devarim Design, an AI
startup for developing truth-driven, decentralized AI systems, the fair trade of data and personal
AI for augmented cognition.
More about Joanna:
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/joannawng
Blog: www.joannawng.com