The way that I got to know and believe in God is straight forward compared to most people! I grew up in a non-religious family with parents who were not Christians but accepted that Christianity is good. I went to a Christian primary and secondary school in Hong Kong and came to Canada in 1995 entering into grade 11. During the first month in Canada, I felt very lonely. But one day during a fire drill at my new school, I got reconnected to an old school mate from my previous secondary school in HK. We quickly reignited our friendship. She invited me to her church and I agreed since I was hoping to make some new friends. This is the church I am still attending today.
This may sound simple but God must have done miracles to set many things in place to bring me into His family. I believe, first of all, that it wasn’t by chance that my parents put me in Christian schools. It also wasn’t by chance that both Christian schools had teachers with strong faith. They implanted in me at a very young age accurate Bible facts and the belief that Jesus is the one true God and Saviour. It definitely wasn’t by chance that I was reunited with that old school mate just when I was most receptive to going to church and most (I had accepted Christ twice when I was in Hong Kong, once in Form 1 (Grade 7) and the other time in Form 3 (Grade 9). Both times I genuinely believed but neither resulted in me pursuing the faith any further). Above all, Jesus gave up everything, died on the cross for my sins, and rose from the dead in three days to give me everlasting life.
I was eager to serve God right away this time. Back in my old school, I could earn points on my report card for doing extra-curricular activities. There was also a part of me that wanted to impress people how smart I am. I entered God’s ministry with these mindset. I was always secretly wishing that I would move from leading singing to leading Bible studies, and hopefully leading the whole fellowship very quickly. Thanks to God who has not rejected me despite my wrong thinking. But God also didn’t let me stay the way I was. I wasn’t chosen as a Bible study leader until my 4th year in Christ and didn’t become part of the fellowship committee until another two years later. I stayed as an assistant in Children Sunday School for twice the time other people need to before I became a teacher. Through many ways God taught me to be humble, to serve Him with a pure heart, to love people the way He wanted rather than trying to outshine them, to accept that whether I am smart or not is beside the point because my worthiness comes from being God’s daughter.
My journey to learning how to fully trust in God and rely on Him was slow and agonizing because my pride and insecurities always got in the way. I call my four years of university “the dark ages” of my life. I chose engineering because I reasoned that I will have better career opportunities; however, the program was too demanding for me — I felt crushed under the workload. I suffered from massive headaches and anxiety doing assignments. I wanted to switch to another program but my dad talked me out of the idea saying that I just tend to give up too easily when things get tough. I was mad but realized that was the way I am and I didn’t want to stay like that. But it wasn’t my will that got me through, it was God’s grace. I prayed for strength from God every day and reviewed over and over God’s promise that He will lead my life and He is capable of doing that. The bible verses Gen 28:15, Jn 10:10, Rom 8:29, II Cor 10: 13, and the songs “主如明亮晨星” and “感謝神” were my lifelines throughout those years.
After I finished the program, I drifted through a few part-time jobs. In the entire time, I was not completely sure how God wanted to use me but He always reminded me that He will lead me just like how He had led me through engineering. I entered Teachers’ College 4 years later and now after being a teacher for 10 years, I know for sure God’s plan for me is always the best. Praise God for His unfailing love and patience. If He hadn’t work on me persistently over the years, I would never be able to heal from my old prideful, insecure, self-conscious, and weak-minded self. He continues to draw me close to Him daily, showering me with his blessings which I do not deserve. He has let me experience His power and faithfulness. May God use me to make a difference in the lives of the people around me (people He so loves), that I may share His glory and earn His praise when I get to heaven.